Dear Phip Murray,
I have always wanted to apologise to you, and I feel this must be my chance. Although my transgression might seem minor now, it has remained a weight on my conscience. You see, I never intended to harm you or your couch in any way. Even the possibility that you might think I have been reckless with regards to your couch bothers me when I happen to think about it. I would say I think about it more often than I think about the Australian Swimming Team but less often than I think about gardening. I probably think about it as often as I think about buying a new packet of highlighters. What I am trying to say is that I am very sorry for spilling wine on your couch at the House Proud exhibition that you kindly had at your lovely Collingwood home. May I also add that I really liked the exhibition, so please rest assured that that was not the reason I spilled the wine on your couch. It was an accident. I hope that everything turned out OK in the end. I wanted to mention it earlier, but I was always too afraid to.